Friday, May 9, 2008

Wish you were here

My Mother and I had a very close, but unhealthy relationship. We were co-dependent on each other for too many years. Mix in some fear, and insecurity on both of our parts, and you have got a real mess. Then add my daughter, now you have three people living together and being dramatic and fighting for attention and control. We had a lot of love for each other, maybe just not the respect we should have.
My Mom loved Jesus so much and she would often say "Wow to just be in front of Jesus". Therefore it is only fitting that when she passed away in Jan of 2006, my daughter wanted to have the Song "I can only imagine" at her memorial. It really did fit how she felt about seeing him. If you've never heard that song, listen to it sometime. It talks about what you would do when you see Jesus, "Would you be able to speak", "Would you fall on you knees before Him" " I can only imagine".

Several months after my Mom went to be with Jesus I heard another song that I felt explained her. It's a song called "Wish you were here" I don't know how the Artist meant it but to me it is about after you are in heaven and you see all the glory you think back and are wishing the one left on earth was with you. I can so see my Mom being like that. It says don't cry for me because I'm finally free, to run with the angels on streets made of gold, and then it goes on and says that when your day comes you will be free and go to heaven and you'll run on the streets together. Mom would want us her daughters, granddaughter and grandson, to see the glory. I know she is in such awe. And I don't know if we eat in heaven, but if we do she's got the ladle stirring as we speak.

I'm happy my Mom is free she didn't have the best of lives here on earth. Between emotional, and physical hurts she endured over her 68 years she wasn't very free.

Don't wait for one day to honor your Mom or anyone. Birthdays, anniversaries. Yes these days are special but everyday is special.

Unless Jesus comes back I've got a lot of time left here on earth. God promises a long satisfied life, and that's what I'm believing for. But is so nice to know that Mom is wishing we were there.

If Mom was just away and I could send her a letter, this is part of what I'd say.

Did you see all the people that came to say good bye. All those years of feeling unloved, if you could have only believed. The homeless at the park that you fed every week really miss you. I have a customer that says they come over to his church every week to get some hand outs, he said just the other day, "Boy they still miss your Mom".
Wow a lot has happened these last two 1/2 years. Your great granddaughter is so beautiful, yeah she finally got a lot of hair. It's long and blond, it has a little natural curl and falls in her face a lot. Those big blue eyes, her Daddy is going to have his hands full. Hey guess what you have a great grand son too, her little brother. He is so cute, he's a butter ball, brown hair and brown eyes, he will be 2 in Sept. My other children and Grandchildren are doing good too, the oldest granddaughter is 15, can you believe that? She's beautiful too, long hair and green eyes.
Your Grandson got married as planned. The wedding place was beautiful and so was his bride. They mentioned you and their other Grandma that wasn't there at the wedding. They don't have any children yet but they have a dog. They went to Europe for a while and now they are back. They moved back to the college town and bought a really nice house.
All of us are doing good. I've grown a lot spiritually and learned so much. I'm doing an online Bible study with women all over the world. I've actually become friends with your friend that helped you cook for the homeless. She started a Bible study and I'm going to it. Her and her husband are doing so good now.
Us Sisters are getting together in a couple of weeks. Your ears will probably be stinging, you know us we like to get together and tell stories.
Well I better go for now, I... We ...miss you a lot. I'm glad you're free, and thanks for wishing we were there.
Love ya and God Bless,

That's probably the thing I miss the most, is sharing my day and life with her. She always listened. Even if we were mad at each other and fighting, she listened. Thanks Mom.

Be Blessed-


SKY4KAT said...

Oh Lynn,
I was crying as I read your letter to your mom.
I can really understand your encouragement to reach out to my mom and share my heart and ask to hear hers. What a tribute and a hearts cry for this mothers day.
Happy mothers day to you and God bless

JnL4God said...

You're welcome. I e-mailed it to my Sister and Daughter too. My Sister said she cried too. I don't think my Daughter has read it yet. Thanks for reading and commenting. can't rememeber, do you have children. Well even if not Happy Mothers day to you for you and your Mom.

Be Blessed

Mary said...

Such a beautiful letter to your mother, Lynn. And how timely to write this at Mother's Day.
Lynn, I had a difficult mother,daughter relationship with my daughter for many years. I know that we loved each other dearly and yet I was unwise many times when raising my daughter. I lost her four years ago in August. I also write her a letter each year. And in one of the letters I said,
"Darlene, I think the thing that makes me most excited about seeing you is the thought of looking into your eyes and saying, "now you know. . . you really know how much I loved you ...ALL of your life. . "

And when see our loved ones all of the chaff of this life will be gone and the love will be pure. It is going to be glorious!

I trust you had a Happy Mother's day.


From the Heart said...

Lynn, What a beautiful letter to your Mom. I think you and I may have something in common. My Mother and I were not close, oh she loved me that much I know. She over did it and smothered me sometimes but I realized later in life the reason why. However, my parents were married 10 years before I was born and she held on tight, just like her father did. He never wanted his girls to leave home. A couple of them eloped including my mother. Because of the generation gap I could never talk frankly with her. She would never have understood what I was saying, but in my heart I was able to forgive her. I regret I could not be the daughter I should have been, but one day when we meet in Heaven, I believe I will be able to explain and she will understand.

GOD'S LADIE said...

What a wonderful letter! I could hear you heart in it. It brought me to tears as well. Hope you mother's day was wonderful and blessed. God bless you and thanks for sharing!

JnL4God said...

Thank you all for your nice comments. It must have been from God because it flowed.
Love you all,